Survival of Friendliness
Ephesians 4:32 – “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
As a church, ANF was started 5 years ago. We have our direction as a church. The purpose of church is clear – to save the lost and make them disciples of Jesus Christ. How do we, as a church, continue to thrive? Pastor Daniel shared about a book that argued not for the “survival of the fittest,” but the “survival of the friendliest”. Similarly, we can apply these ideas to church. To continue to thrive as a church, instead of being a big or strong church, we need to be a sturdy and friendly church. To build a friendly church, we need to continue to build friendly relationships with everyone: members, community, and strangers alike.
Although there are only 2 instances of the word “friendly” used in the Bible, we can instead find the word “kind” or “kindness” used interchangeably. Then, what is “kindness” in the Bible and how can we apply it to our lives to both be friendly and kind in our relationship, and build towards a friendly church?
There are 4 descriptions of kindness in the Bible that we can learn from.
1. Kindness is patience.
1 Corinthians 13:4 – “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant…”
Luke 6:35 – “But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.”
Love is both patient AND kind. Pastor Daniel shared about experiences he heard from newcomers to our church about the kindness and friendliness they experienced visiting our church. However, they found that the kindness and friendliness disappeared after 2 weeks of visiting. To be kind is not just a one-off instance. We should be persistent and patient in our kindness. Additionally, It is easy for us to be kind to others who are kind to us, but we should also be kind without expectation, just like God. We may be discouraged by those who do not reciprocate our kindness, but that should not change how we express kindness to others. Our kindness should not be conditional or contingent on expecting kindness in return.
2. Kindness is tenderhearted.
Ephesians 4:32 – “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
The book argues that we evolved certain qualities, like flatter and duller teeth and the white or sclera in our eyes to favor cooperativity and communicate with others easily. We can adopt these ideas in our own lives in a similar way that the Bible describes we must be tenderhearted. Our friendliness must also reflect on our face when we smile. Tenderness should be expressed through our eyes and facial expression. We should smile more.
3. Kindness is forgiving one another.
Ephesians 4:32 – “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
This does not imply that we do not experience pain when we recall being hurt by others. However, forgiveness means that we will not hurt others in return for our own hurts. That is the definition of forgiveness in the Bible. We must open the door of our relationship and be willing to have a new relationship with those who have hurt us in the past. This extends to all our broken relationships, whether within the church or outside the church
4. Kindness is contact.
Proverbs 11:16-19 – “A gracious woman gets honor, and violent men get riches. A man who is kind benefits himself, but a cruel man hurts himself. The wicked earns deceptive wages, but one who sows righteousness gets a sure reward. Whoever is steadfast in righteousness will live, but he who pursues evil will die.”
The Bible states that we should be kind for our own good. Proverbs 11:16-19 uses cruelty as the direct negative comparison to kindness. Although we can be very kind, we can also be very cruel to others. It is easy to continue to be kind to people that we like and we have a tendency to stay in our own groups. It is human nature to be in a space where we are comfortable. However, staying in groups can also isolate others. To overcome this, we need to get in touch with people who are not in our group by spending time with others, whether that means outside of our house church or our usual social groups.
Reflection Questions:
Do you consider yourself kind or friendly? What ways can you adopt from this week’s message to be more friendly?
What were your thoughts when PD shared that visitors/newcomers only felt the kindness/friendliness from our church lasting 2 weeks? What can you do better to welcome visitors?
